THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

Act 4 Scene 1

(Enter Grumio)
l1l	Grumio	 Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
l2l		all foul ways. Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man
l3l		so rayed? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before
l4l		to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm
l5l		them. Now were not I a little pot and soon hot, my
l6l		very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the
l7l		roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly ere I should
l8l		come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire
l9l		shall warm myself, for considering the weather, a taller
l10l		man than I will take cold. Holla! Hoa, Curtis!
		(Enter Curtis)
l11l	Curtis	 Who is that calls so coldly?
l12l	Grumio	A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
l13l		from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run
l14l		but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis!
l15l	Curtis	Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
l16l	Grumio	O ay, Curtis, ay, and therefore fire, fire! Cast on
l17l		no water.
l18l	Curtis	Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?
l19l	Grumio	She was, good Curtis, before this frost# but thou
l20l		know’st, winter tames man, woman, and beast, for it
l21l		hath tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and
l22l		myself, fellow Curtis.
l23l	Curtis	Away, you three-inch fool. I am no beast.
l24l	Grumio	Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot,
l25l		and so long am I, at the least. But wilt thou make a
l26l		fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose
l27l		hand—she being now at hand—thou shalt soon feel to
l28l		thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office.
l29l	Curtis	I prithee, good Grumio, tell me—how goes the
l30l		world?
l31l	Grumio	A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine.
l32l		And therefore fire, do thy duty, and have thy duty, for
l33l		my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
l34l	Curtis	There’s fire ready, and therefore, good Grumio,
l35l		the news.
l36l	Grumio	Why, “Jack boy, ho boy!”, and as much news as
l37l		wilt thou.
l38l	Curtis	Come, you are so full of cony-catching.
l39l	Grumio	Why, therefore fire, for I have caught extreme
l40l		cold. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready, the house
l41l		trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the servingmen
l42l		in their new fustian, the white stockings, and
l43l		every officer his wedding garment on? Be the Jacks fair
l44l		within, the Jills fair without, the carpets laid, and
l45l		everything in order?
l46l	Curtis	All ready, and therefore, I pray thee, news.
l47l	Grumio	First, know my horse is tired, my master and
l48l		mistress fallen out.
l49l	Curtis	How?
l50l	Grumio	Out of their saddles into the dirt, and thereby
l51l		hangs a tale.
l52l	Curtis	Let’s ha ’t, good Grumio.
l53l	Grumio	Lend thine ear.
l54l	Curtis	Here.
l55l	Grumio	(cuffing him)
		 There.
l56l	Curtis	This ’tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
l57l	Grumio	And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale, and this
l58l		cuff was but to knock at your ear and beseech listening.
l59l		Now I begin. Inprimis, we came down a foul hill, my
l60l		master riding behind my mistress.
l61l	Curtis	Both of one horse?
l62l	Grumio	What’s that to thee?
l63l	Curtis	Why, a horse.
l64l	Grumio	Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not crossed me
l65l		thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she
l66l		under her horse# thou shouldst have heard in how
l67l		miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her
l68l		with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her
l69l		horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to
l70l		pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed that
l71l		never prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran
l72l		away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper,
l73l		with many things of worthy memory which now shall
l74l		die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy
l75l		grave.
l76l	Curtis	By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
l77l	Grumio	Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all
l78l		shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of
l79l		this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,
l80l		Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Let their heads be
l81l		sleekly combed, their blue coats brushed, and their
l82l		garters of an indifferent knit. Let them curtsy with their
l83l		left legs and not presume to touch a hair of my master’s
l84l		horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?
l85l	Curtis	They are.
l86l	Grumio	Call them forth.
l87l	Curtis	(calling)
		 Do you hear, ho? You must meet my
l88l		master to countenance my mistress.
l89l	Grumio	Why, she hath a face of her own.
l90l	Curtis	Who knows not that?
l91l	Grumio	Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
l92l		countenance her.
l93l	Curtis	I call them forth to credit her.
		(Enter four or five servingmen)
l94l	Grumio	 Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
l95l	Nathaniel	Welcome home, Grumio!
l96l	Philip	How now, Grumio?
l97l	Joseph	What, Grumio?
l98l	Nicholas	Fellow Grumio!
l99l	Nathaniel	How now, old lad!
l100l	Grumio	Welcome you, how now you, what you, fellow
l101l		you, and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce
l102l		companions, is all ready and all things neat?
l103l	Nathaniel	All things is ready. How near is our master?
l104l	Grumio	E’en at hand, alighted by this, and therefore be
l105l		not—Cock’s passion, silence! I hear my master.
		(Enter Petruccio and Katherine)
l106l	Petruccio	 Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
l107l		To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse?
l108l		Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
l109l	All Servants	Here, here sir, here sir.
l110l	Petruccio	Here sir, here sir, here sir, here sir!
l111l		You logger-headed and unpolished grooms,
l112l		What! No attendance! No regard! No duty!
l113l		Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
l114l	Grumio	Here, sir, as foolish as I was before.
l115l	Petruccio	You peasant swain, you whoreson, malthorse drudge,
l116l		Did I not bid thee meet me in the park
l117l		And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
l118l	Grumio	Nathaniel’s coat, sir, was not fully made,
l119l		And Gabriel’s pumps were all unpinked i’ th’ heel.
l120l		There was no link to colour Peter’s hat,
l121l		And Walter’s dagger was not come from sheathing.
l122l		There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory.
l123l		The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly.
l124l		Yet as they are, here are they come to meet you.
l125l	Petruccio	Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in.
		(Exeunt servants)
l126l		(Sings)
		> “Where is the life that late I led?
l127l		Where are those—”
l128l		Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud.
		( 128 Enter servants with supper)
l129l		Why, when, I say?—Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.—
l130l		Off with my boots, you rogues, you villains. When?
l131l		(Sings)
		> “It was the friar of orders gray,
l132l		As he forth walkèd on his way.”
l133l		Out, you rogue, you pluck my foot awry.
l134l		(Kicking a servant)
		 Take that, and mend the plucking of the other.
l135l		Be merry, Kate.
		(Calling)
		 Some water, here. What, hoa!
		(Enter one with water)
l136l		Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
l137l		And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither—
l138l		One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with.
l139l		(Calling)
		 Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
l140l		Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
		(A servant drops water)
l141l		You whoreson villain, will you let it fall?
l142l	Katherine	Patience, I pray you, ’twas a fault unwilling.
l143l	Petruccio	A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-eared knave.
l144l		Come, Kate, sit down, I know you have a stomach.
l145l		Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?
l146l		What’s this—mutton?
	First Servingman	Ay.
	Petruccio	Who brought it?
	Peter	I.
l147l	Petruccio	’Tis burnt, and so is all the meat.
l148l		What dogs are these? Where is the rascal cook?
l149l		How durst you villains bring it from the dresser
l150l		And serve it thus to me that love it not?
l151l		There,
		(throwing food)
		 take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all,
l152l		You heedless jolt-heads and unmannered slaves.
l153l		What, do you grumble? I’ll be with you straight.
		(He chases the servants away)
l154l	Katherine	 I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet.
l155l		The meat was well, if you were so contented.
l156l	Petruccio	I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away,
l157l		And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
l158l		For it engenders choler, planteth anger,
l159l		And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
l160l		Since of ourselves ourselves are choleric,
l161l		Than feed it with such overroasted flesh.
l162l		Be patient, tomorrow ’t shall be mended,
l163l		And for this night we’ll fast for company.
l164l		Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
		(Exeunt)
l165l		(Enter servants severally)
		Nathaniel	 Peter, didst ever see the like?
l166l	Peter	He kills her in her own humour.
		(Enter Curtis, a servant)
l167l	Grumio	 Where is he?
l168l	Curtis	 In her chamber,
l169l		Making a sermon of continency to her,
l170l		And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
l171l		Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
l172l		And sits as one new risen from a dream.
l173l		Away, away, for he is coming hither.
		(Exeunt)
l174l		(Enter Petruccio)
		Petruccio	 Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
l175l		And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
l176l		My falcon now is sharp and passing empty,
l177l		And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
l178l		For then she never looks upon her lure.
l179l		Another way I have to man my haggard,
l180l		To make her come and know her keeper’s call—
l181l		That is, to watch her as we watch these kites
l182l		That bate and beat, and will not be obedient.
l183l		She ate no meat today, nor none shall eat.
l184l		Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not.
l185l		As with the meat, some undeservèd fault
l186l		I’ll find about the making of the bed,
l187l		And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
l188l		This way the coverlet, another way the sheets,
l189l		Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
l190l		That all is done in reverent care of her,
l191l		And in conclusion she shall watch all night,
l192l		And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl
l193l		And with the clamour keep her still awake.
l194l		This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,
l195l		And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
l196l		He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
l197l		Now let him speak. ’Tis charity to show.
		(Exit)